fear

Fear.... it a term that seems to come to my mind more and more as I get older.

When I was in college, I had no fear.  No fear of what I did nor fear of what I was doing.  I was head strong and strong willed.  I knew what I wanted and I went after it.  It was wonderful.  Most of my friends never knew what I was going to say but they knew it was honest and that I would never lie to them.  They knew if they needed advice, I was there.  They also knew I was blunt and I said what I felt, they might not agree with it but I would put it on the table.

As I get older, fear creeps up on me.  I don't really just say what I feel anymore.  There always seem to be hurt feelings everywhere I look.  I seem to annoy people with the attitude I use to have (did I always do that?  I really have no idea?  Maybe because I either never listened or no ever talked back/told me).   I find that if I keep quiet and just listen, that I don't hurt people and they don't fear what might come out of my mouth.  This kills me inside and never use too.  I guess I have lost a lot of friends/people to my mouth and don't want to lose anymore.  Is this good?  Maybe there is a reason that I should say what I'm feeling?  Maybe these people aren't/never were good friends?  I really don't know anymore.  I just know that I have alienated myself.

I now just walk away and deal by myself.  I have NO problem doing things by myself, hell I travel for a living and basically live by myself.  I can entertain myself and never have to talk to people.  I don't have to socialize but maybe I should and maybe I should work at it?  I'm not good at small talk, I can do it because I know how to break the ice but if someone doesn't continue the conversation, then it will just die.  In college, I could talk your ear off and wouldn't think twice about it.... what has changed?

I find that people annoy me now, more than they use too.  The internet is the internet but people feel they are the king/queen of a message board or a chat.....  they think it's okay to be rude to people.  It's very childish to me!  I also find people in real life rude, as they will do the same thing.  No it's not right to be a catty, no it's not right to be rude, but people are!

I also fear change....  I fear job change, I fear life changes, I fear a lot more than I use too and about everything.  I doubt more too.  I doubt I can do things.... things I could once do but  now can not.  I guess I didn't realize how things would change in such a short period of time.....  who knew?

Random....

Random things

• YAY!!!  So my body has "physically" passed the test with flying colors...  We were able to financially get a loan and we have the social worker appt tonight.  If she thinks we are okay, we are ready to choose a donor and get this thing moving.  I'm SUPER excited and can't wait!!  
• I wish I had a group of girls that I lived close with....  I think that's one thing I feel missing in my life.  I have friends but no one SUPER close.  There are some that I can talk to about anything and they are there to listen but really not close enough to have over for a glass of wine/etc.
• Everyone is selling in my neighborhood.  We had heard the rumor but now it's becoming true.  I know there is always turn over but it makes me sad.  I know of one couple that has stopped paying their mortgage all together.  This means it most likely will become a foreclosure/short sale :(  They started building smaller houses and those houses have really decreased the value of our house.  We really don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon unless Carl receives a job offer somewhere and there is housing/moving money.  
• I am really going to miss my house -cleaner...  she has done it since about 6 months after we moved in.  It has always been worth it since I travel for a living and are never home but with the loan that we had to take out, we will have to say good-bye to her :(
• I'm addicted to the Army Wives series on Lifetime.  I couple of weeks ago when it was suppose to snow it's ass off, I rented the first 3 seasons from the library.  I know can't stop watching them.  I'm on season 3 and have to find where I can get season 4.  Season 5 starts in a couple of weeks.
• In less that 2 weeks I'm heading out for a girls week.  We are going to Mardi Gras for Sunday night and then going on a cruise from Mon-Saturday.  I'm sure it will be a blast and I can't wait for the WARM sun and beaches!!!  

Welp it's been a while

Welp it's been a while since I last updated but that's life....  it gets in the way sometimes.  January has been a busy month with work and social life.  We had a ton of football parties because of the Raven's and then I was traveling back/forth to Dallas for work.  I got to see some old friends (Tawna, Kat, Kelli, Angel and Tenna)... it was wonderful to catch and see what is going on with everyone these days.  Time really does fly.

I have taken a little time off of work to stay home for a little while.  That kind of goes into my next thing that's going on in our life....  Infertility (yes this is what rules my life at the moment, it's sad to say but it is).  After moving onto the NJ clinic and having such craziness, we have decided to move onto Donor Egg (DE).  We have known it was an option since September but I wanted to rule out other things first.  I worked with a Ultrasound tech in Plano, Tx who finally worked and talked with me of my options. She showed me what she was seeing and what could really happen. Basically I have VERY small ovaries and not many follicles to produce eggs. (basically my ovaries are the size of someone in their 40's)....  There is always a chance that I could get pregnant on my own but it's a VERY small percentage.  I don't feel like putting out money every month for that small percentage so we made the decision a couple of weeks ago to move onto DE.

We had an appt on Friday with my dr and he started progressing me right along.  My lining is fine, so he started me on shots on Friday and I have a Mock thing tomorrow morning to see if my body will be able to handle the procedure and if my lining will grow enough for us.  If we get "approved" based on everything then we can pick our donor.  We already started looking at donors a couple of weeks ago.  It's kind of crazy and scary all at the same time.  There are so many emotions to go with it.  Financially it will be extremely hard but we'll deal.  We were already paying a couple of hundred dollars in co-pays every month, so we will just be paying it towards a loan instead.

Nothing else is really going on....  We were debating on a vacation since I have 4 roundtrip Airtran tickets to use and also our timeshare to exchange with but we are in limbo until we find out timing of everything.

I did get new valances for my kitchen.  I'm in love with them.  They are from JCPenney and really match what we have.  I would like to find a couple of panels to match them for our slider but I'm ok right now.  I got the Chocolate Multi.  I had removed all the crappy curtains a couple of months ago and bought faux white wood blinds.  I LOVE the blinds because they let so much more light into the kitchen/sunroom.  I'll post pictures soon.

Last announcement, I finally ordered my camera last night!!!!!!!!!!!!   I had sold me old one a couple of weeks ago on Amazon.  I decided on the Canon 7D.  I CAN'T wait for it to come tomorrow.  I'm SUPER excited and can't wait to play with it.  My old camera was from 2006.  So I'm sure there are a ton of features that I will have to learn.  :)

Happy New Year - 2011

Welp it's a new year!!!  I'm really glad to see 2010 go.  It's been a long year and a lot of heartache but hoping 2011 is better...

Christmas was good.  Dad went into the hospital back on 12/18.  We were suppose to go to dinner for my birthday dinner.  Mom called and said dad wasn't feeling good at all.  So we canceled.  She called back later that evening and said that the ambulance was at the house and they were taking dad to the hospital.  He had 104 temperature.  Well they admitted him and he stayed there almost 6 days until 12/23 when they finally released him.  He had an infection in his leg and until they could get that under control and his temperature to go down he wouldn't be able to go home.  It was a LONG week.  I had work to do at home, plus all the christmas crap, etc.  It was good that he came home in time for Christmas and he is doing much better.

Christmas was busy like usual but I'm glad it was over.  Carl treated me very well this year!!  I LOVE my new watch and photography studio stuff.  I also got a kindle for my birthday!  It's super nice!

A couple of days after Christmas we headed to a new clinic for a second opinion.  The new doctor was nice and in NJ.  He's willing to work with us and it should be interesting.  We are going to keep our fingers crossed (again).  So we'll see what happens.  I'm going to take some time off traveling at the end of January to help with the stress of everything( bloodwork/ultrasounds every other day doesn't help with traveling).

NYE we spent at Carl's aunt.  We were going to go downtown but I decided to cancel because I have been really down and Carl has been really sick.  It was the normal stuff but it was a lot of fun!!

Welp that's a wrap.  I'll be in Dallas for the next 4 weeks.  3 weeks at a client and 1 week for a work conference.  It will be the first time my whole team has been together in one room.  It should be a lot of fun!!!!  Can't wait!

Last "official" work day of the year

Welp today is my last day at the client for the year.  I will probably do some support from home but tonight will be my last flight.  That is kind of crazy!!  It's really hard to believe that it's 12/16.  I swear it was only 10/31 last week.  It's also crazy that it's snowing back home.  I really enjoyed the 70+ weather we have had here in Plano, TX the past 2 days!!!!  :)  I really don't want to leave it.  Owell.  Hopefully it's really nice in January when I come back.

Looking back this year, I have been all over and have traveled a ton.  I looked in my Tripit account and here are my stat's.  There will be some more miles after tonights flight but not too many.  So I have traveled 39 weeks (roughly), with me being home 13 weeks (roughly - being away in Europe for 3 weeks, counts as 1 trip)...  so the numbers are a little off but no big deal.   I'll be home the next 2 weeks and then January is already booked and ready to go.  So I have an assignment til February for right now.

it's December!!!!!!!!!!

Wow I can't believe it's DECEMBER already!!!!!!!!  Where has the fall gone?  It's kind of crazy how time flies!!  I have been traveling and working my butt off and the time just goes by.  I was in Winnipeg 2 weeks ago, off for the week of thanksgiving and then this week I'm in Plano, Texas.  I'll be in Texas off/on until February.  I really don't mind Texas (warm weather!!!!) and LOTS of friends to see/catch up with.  I do HATE DFW and it's delays but I'll deal.   Work is good and busy!!  We got a new bonus plan, which makes me extremely happy!!!  Can you believe that I will have traveled over 90,000 miles in the air this year?  That's crazy!!

This week has been crappy....  I got sick and I HATE being sick.  I don't get sick that often and when I do, it's bad.  It started on Sunday and by Tuesday, I wanted to die.  I was glad that I had a co-worker here to help out and I left a little early on Tuesday to get some extra sleep and relax.  I think I might be on the mend but only time will tell.  I don't like to go to the doctor unless it's something major.  I would rather my body fight it off with a little help of DayQuil/NightQuil.

I also somehow snapped my under wire in my bra... I have NEVER done it before but I heard a snap on Tuesday but didn't think anything of it until later that night, something started to poke me.  I put two and two together and realized that I snapped the under wire.  I actually had to pull the under wire out on Wednesday because it was driving me nuts..... so now my boobs have been lopsided for 2 days... I'm too cheap to go buy a new bra :)

I didn't know was going to get sick and so I had planned a cookie exchange this Saturday (I have since canceled it).... but since I was planning this, I got Carl to put the Christmas decorations up early (something we NEVER do, even though Carl would love too)....  The outside is decorated and so is the inside.  I think this is the first time everything has been up before Dec 15. (usually my day of choice).  It's really pretty and I'm looking forward to seeing everything when I get home tonight.  I also can get the presents wrapped early and put under the tree, which makes me life a little easier.  YAY!!!

All this Christmas talk kind of makes me sad.... I had hoped to be pregnant (or even have had a child) by now.  I know it won't be happening for us this year or even anytime soon.  This makes me extremely sad but it's life and we are dealing with it.  I have decided not to go for the second opinion.  I don't think I can go through the heartache of multiple IVF's and/or miscarriages.  Yes, women do get pregnant but very rarely is it successful with such high FSH.  :(

If anyone has seen my facebook, you have noticed my photography....  I have been filling my time with that.  I have learned SOOO much!!  It's amazing and so much fun!!  I have found so many things to work on and do.  I am learning more and more about different lighting/settings/etc...  I have also been playing in Lightroom to figure out new settings, etc.  Lightroom has made my workflow so much easier.  I liked iphoto but I was so limited and PSE was nice but the workflow was horrible....

Welp time to catch my flight home....  have a good weekend!

wow it's already mid-nov...

Wow the end of the year is flying...   the past couple of weeks have been kind of busy.  I FINALLY rolled off my Lilly project (at least for a little while) and had 2 weeks at home to do nothing.  I had 2 appts with the IF clinic but other than that I didn't do too much.  Went to OC with my momma for the day and got most of my christmas shopping done.  I also got the house cleaned out of crap (made almost $500 with ebay old tech items) and tried to keep myself some what busy.  I am back in work up in Winnipeg Canada.  It's COLD and snowy up here but pretty neat.  I'm only here this week and then I'm home for Thanksgiving week....  I then am off to Dallas for 3 weeks until Christmas.  I'll be working at Texas Instruments, so it should be pretty cool.  Finally I have the last 2 weeks off at home for Christmas/NYE.  YAY!!!  Gonna be a crazy couple of weeks, I'm sure :)

Life sucks!!

Disclaimer - if you want to read happy-cheery type of things, so somewhere else!

Welp after another HIGH bloodtest and a ultrasound that doesn't show a right ovary (can't find it) nor does it have any eggs....  the clinic has finally said that they can't do anything else for me unless I want to do DE IVF.

Life sucks, it really does.  There is nothing that will make me feel better at the moment(except if someone could make me fertile).  I don't know how to explain it.  I wish I was working this week and not home by myself.  I need my mind busy with mindless things and not thoughts that I can't have children like a normal person.   I feel a choice has been taken from me and I didn't get to choose.   No one understands and nor do I expect them too.

Adoption....  Let me vent about that one too.... just because I can't have kids does not mean that I have to adopt children.  ANYONE can adopt even if you can pop out 18 kids.  Back off me and don't suggest it either.  I know my options, the clinic has already defined them for me.

I HATE Facebook!  It's the devil because all I see is people with their smiling children, happy pregnancy, etc....  Great for them, sucks for me!

Yes I'm having a pity party and I really don't care at the moment!

FINALLY finished my pictures.. way too many

Well we took a ton of pictures (yes, Carl took the camera some times)...  Here is the full link - http://lenebene.smugmug.com/Travel/London-Paris

new car or I guess it's a truck

Welp with the crazy news from Friday we figured we should probably start thinking ahead a little.  If we decide to do donor eggs, it's going to cost a lot of money and we should start getting prepared for the worse.  So we took the truck to Carmax on Saturday to get a quote for it.  We were walking around the lot waiting for the quote to come back when Carl asked if I had seen the BMW sitting in the corner, I hadn't so we walked over.  We both love BMW's.  After owning the Z4 and how we were treated, we had missed it.  The BMW was a SUV and it was cute.  Well we walked back inside and were waiting for the sales man when I asked Carl if he minded if we took the BMW for a test drive.  He didn't, so we went to find our salesman and asked to take it for a test drive.  Well I feel in love right away.  It had leather, AWD, heated seats, sunroof, M series (fast), etc...  the drive was really nice and super quiet.  Once we got back to the lot, we got the quote from Carmax for the truck.  They were going to give us more than we owed.  So I talked with Carl and we agreed to go get the Subaru and also use the truck as a trade in.  We got home, cleaned/washed the car, ate lunch and I researched a little about the BMW to make sure there wasn't something horrible with that year (yes I'm a dork, thank you to Edmunds and Consumer Reports).  Nothing horrible that I could see.

On our way back down to Carmax the check engine light came on in the Subaru.  It has been going on and off for months now.  If we use ethtinal gas, the O2 sensor in the car doesn't like it plus the catalytic converter is going up.  It had 165,000 miles on it with heavy driving from Carl for the past 1.5 yrs.  It's held up pretty well.  So we drove to Pepboy's, popped the battery and dumped a bunch of fuel boaster/cleaner in the gas tank and it reset the check engine light.  We drove to Carmax, prayed that the engine light wouldn't come on...  We then started paperwork for the BMW.  We found that it didn't get titled until 7/07, so it was still under full manufacturer warranty until 07/11 or 50,000 miles.  GREAT news!  BMW will usually offers extended warranties also...  Carmax gave us $2k, which isn't great but it's better than nothing, so we took it, plus added the extra from the truck.  We signed all the paperwork and got the heck out of there.  So I'm a proud owner of a 2007 BMW X3si.  Here are some pictures that Carmax took - http://lenebene.smugmug.com/2010/Family/2007-BMW-X3/14252779_dA8q6#1053553220_oa766

So now here is my rant.... PA MVA SUCKS!!  There is really no single location.  You have to go to Ma and Pa places to get tags, inspection and registration done and it's  a HUGE PAIN!  I miss Maryland, where I could go to a center to get tags and register my vehicle.

Welp I started down the weight-loss/eating better road.  I have read a lot of research that shows autoimmune disease works against fertility.  I am also sick of being over weight/clothes being tight.  So I have decided to workout and eat what I'm suppose to eat (no dairy, no eggs, no wheat/gluten/rye/spent/etc).  My cousins use DailyBurn and I had signed up months ago and never used it (go figure).  So I signed back in (after I figured out my password) and set everything up.  They have a iphone app, which makes things 10 times easier.  I added my goals and workouts to my program and can get everything on my iphone.  It's super easy.  I found a workout plan that is 3 times a week for 30 days.  They give you exercises to do for those days and then a diet/calorie count.  I love that I can record everything on my iphone while I'm working out.  Super easy!

Update

On Friday, we were told that I can't have kids.  I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure(POF), basically pre-menopause.  DH swimmers are fine but it's my eggs and my numbers(FSH = 60).  It's something that I'm having a hard time dealing with.  I have always wanted kids and so we are trying to assess what we want to do.  I have stumped the doctor, as he has never met someone with my weirdness [:)](20 years of practicing).  He has ran a ton of tests and I gave 5 more vials of blood on Saturday for some more tests.  He wants to figure out why(not that he can fix it but the reason).   We can still go the Donor egg route if we really want kids...  it's expensive and something I have to think about...  Please pray that we found find out a reason.  

communication

There was a meeting last night with my group.  My boss sucks at communication and so we haven't heard any news regarding the company or our group in a couple of quarters.  He explained the sales that are coming up and also what is going on with the company.  He also explained our new bonus structure.  This makes me very happy.  Our old bonus plan was based on sales and now it's based on services revenue, aka the work that we sell, which is more fair.  So that's wonderful news.  It's amazing what a little communication can do for confidence in a company.  


Tomorrow will be interesting.... we have our WTF meeting with the IF doctor.  I don't have a lot of confidence but we'll have to wait and see.  Fingers and toes crossed.

I'm home.... well not really but I'm back in USA

Welp we are finally back in the USA.  It was a long 3 weeks for me but I got to do and see so many things!!  I'm just glad to be back in the USA.  It's was kind of scary being in Paris and London during the past week with all the terrorist things going on.

Trip review -
First week -  arrived early Sunday morning and met the crew in the airport.  One of the guys from Kimberly Clark drove us out to Maidstone (1hr east of London).  That was an adventure but we made it safe.  Thank goodness for GPS.  We checked into the Hilton and all crashed...  we all ventured down in the evening and had dinner..   We worked at Kimberly Clark during the day then went out and exploring at night.  We got lost the first night when we went to go find a restaurant Scott wanted.  Well it took us to a different town.  We found a really old building (over 300 years old) and a super cute town.  Pretty neat.

First Weekend - We all headed to the train station Saturday morning and split up....  I headed to meet up with some friends from college.  They took me all over London on Saturday and then I played lacrosse with Cynthia's team sunday afternoon before I headed back via train to Maidstone.

Second Week - same stuff... worked at KC during the day and explored at night...  We found lots of different pubs to try.  Hamburger is def not the same over there!!!

Paris (Friday-Tuesday) - Carl left Baltimore on Thursday night and arrived in London on Friday morning...  he headed straight to the hotel and explored while I worked.  I took the train into London once I got off work and met up with him.  It was POURING (typical London) but we settled into our hotel and found a cute pub to have dinner!!!

-Saturday we got up early and headed to the Eurostar train station to checkin for our train to Paris.  The train was painless and we were in Paris.  We took the metro to our hotel and checked in.  The hotel wasn't super nice but it wasn't a crapper!!!  We went in search of food and then headed to see the sights.  We started at St. Michaels and headed to the Arc de Triomphe.  We basically plotted out everything we wanted to do and see.  We walked along the road that leads to Arc de Triomphe and looked into all the shops.  Crazy expensive but super cool to see.

-Sunday we got up and jumped onto the Hop-on/Hop-off bus that took us all over Paris and gave us some history too.  We LOVED Notre Dame.  It was sooo pretty inside and it was huge!  We stopped at the Louvre and stood in line to get in.  It was the first Sunday of the month so it was free.  We got to see the Mona Lisa and a couple of other things then we headed to the next stops.   It was pretty amazing to stop and see the city.   There were so many things we saw and did, that I can't remember 1/2 of it.  I do have the pictures to show thou.  The city was super busy because of the free museums and also because the weather was awesome.  We were beat after a day of non-stop so we headed back to the hotel to see if we could catch the Raven's game.  We did and we relaxed and watched that.  Raven's won :)

-Monday we got up and headed straight to the Eiffel Tower.  We had become aware of all the terrorist threats so we were watching things more closely.  We climbed the steps to the 2nd platform and then took the elevator to the top.  I wasn't really impressed with it.  It was a nice view but def not worth the hype to me.  We came down and then headed to find some food.  We then took the metro to  see the Louis Vuitton store.  WOW was that place CRAZY and expensive.  It's a good thing that I don't like most of his stuff :)  We then walked back towards the Louvre.  I wanted to try some hot chocolate from Angelina's and I'm glad that we did.   It was amazing!!  After that we decided to head over to the Latin area.  On our way we noticed that they weren't letting anyone near the Louvre.  We are guessing a bomb threat so we kept walking basically until we hit out hotel again...  We relaxed and then headed back to Arc de Triomphe so that I could see it lit up at night and also the Eiffel Tower.  We were relaxing at the Arc du Triomphe, when all of a sudden a car made the circle and was dragging a duffel bag.  The police pulled the bag away from the car and then cleared the Arc de Triomphe....  ugh, so another bomb...  they actually blew it up, we stayed and watched (from across the street).  We had enough and headed back to our hotel.

-Tuesday - we relaxed in the morning and then headed to the train station.  I grabbed a Nutella Crepe.  YUM!!!!!! OMG that was good!!!  We took the Eurostar back to London, took the metro to our hotel in Hyde Park.  WOW was this hotel amazing!!  The room was awesome and quiet!!  The walls at our hotel in Paris were paper thin.  I was also in love with the bed!!!  We pealed ourselves out of the room and headed down to the original Hard Rock Cafe.  It was a quick walk from our hotel.  It was pretty neat to visit and see the vault.

-Wednesday - We got up and hit the executive lounge for breakfast.  Free and Super yummy, plus free wifi.  We then got passes again for a hop-on/hop-off tour of London.  We went around the city and explored.  We spent most of our day in the Tower of London.  WOW that place was my favorite.  There was soo much to learn and see.  I would love to go back and explore.  The Crown Jewels were amazing.  I have never seen a diamond that big.  We also decided to do that London Eye that day because the weather was amazing.  It was pretty cool and I'm glad that I did it but it's def over-rated.  You can see for miles and miles though!  We got back to the hotel and hit the lounge again for free after dinner drinks and free wifi.

-Thursday - same breakfast as Wednesday.  We went out to catch the bus again and to see the rest of London.  I really can't remember everything but London is full of history and could easily spend more time there.  There is so much to see and do.  We got back from our travels and prepared for a nice steak dinner at the JW Steakhouse.  The dinner was okay.  I was disappointed with my steak but it was nice to have quiet time with Carl.

-Friday - we took a bus tour to Windsor Castle, Stonehenge, LaCock (harry potter was filmed here), and Bath.  Windsor castle was AMAZING!!!  Who knew people lived like that.  It was beautiful!!  Stonehenge was pretty cool.  It is def a pile of rocks but very cool that they really don't know why or how they got there.  We then went to lunch at a pub  that holds the oldest liquor license in England.  It was also the same town that Harry Potter was filmed at.  Super cool!!!  Last but not least we headed to Bath.  This was neat but I don't think I would ever go back :)

-Saturday - we packed up and headed home.

Sorry this was soo long.  I hope to get pictures up soon!!

travels....

Welp I've been here for almost 2 weeks now... it's hard to believe that time has flown at the same time I feel like I have been here forever.  The client is pretty awesome and the hotel isn't too bad.  We have found some really good places to eat but are finding that most places are chains even if they look pretty old/neat from the outside/inside.

This past weekend I went into London to see some old friends from college, Cynthia and Matt.  I got to their place Saturday afternoon and then they took me on their own little tour of London.  Wow, was it fun.  We visited Camden Town.  This place was awesome and I can't wait to take Carl back.  It's like China town in NYC but the people aren't Chinese and most of the shops are retro type of things.  There are an endless amount of shops.  The people are also dressed pretty crazy...  think goth-like.  Hot pink hair, black leather, lots of skin, piercing, tattoos, etc... There is also a "lock" there.  It's to help with the canal traffic.  It was really neat to watch.

We also headed to downtown London.  I LOVE Tower of London.  I can't wait to go back with Carl and learn about it.  It's so old and has so much history.  It's really amazing.  The architecture in downtown London is really original too.  I had no idea that most of the buildings were short and not tall like NYC.  The street's are CRAZY!  I'll take a picture when we go back next week.  We did stop at a couple of pubs for a beer and some street performers (always entertaining).  We circled most of the city before we decided to head back to where they lived in Hampstead.  Hampstead is really pretty.  They live off High Street (aka Main street).  They have a small pub across from their flat and live above a flower shop.  They also live in a dog friendly area, which works very well for their puppy.  We ate at a pretty good Indian restaurant and then went back to their place and crashed.  

Sunday we woke up and headed to Cynthia's lacrosse game.  The team invited me to play, it was so much fun.  We went up to St Albans and played at a rec. field.  It was a pretty close game but we lost.  After the game we headed to Harpenden to a local pub for lunch.  Most of the girls from the team came.  The team was pretty cool as their was a mix of english and american's on the teams.  After lunch we headed back to Hampstead and then I caught a couple of trains back to Maidstone.  

I'm so glad that I met up with Cyn and Matt.  I had a blast and got to see some areas that I want to go back too.  I can't wait for next week.  Carl flies out tonight on a 9:30pm out of BWI.  He'll get in early tomorrow morning.  He'll take a train to our hotel, leave his bags and then be able to travel around London all day until I get there in the evening.  I can't wait to see him.  I hope he doesn't have a lot of trouble.  We leave Saturday afternoon on a train to Paris and we'll be there for 3 days until we head back to London.  I can't wait.  

Cheerio

Welp I made it to Maidstone, UK.  My flight from BWI to London was ok.  I couldn't sleep but it was smooth.  The London airport was HUGE and crazy but not too bad.  I met up with my co-workers and then we drove to Maidstone.  It's an hr drive from Heathrow.  We are out in the country and it's beautiful!!  Driving on the other side of the road is pretty crazy but I'm getting use to see it.  We are in a nice Volvo station wagon.   The Hilton is nice.  No A/C but we do have washrooms in our room, which is great.  

Kimberly Clark is pretty nice.  We have a really nice room for training and there are Huggie's Ad's everywhere.  It's kind of funny.  I think they most disturbing part is the stuffed dog at the front door.

We went on an adventure last night for dinner.  We were looking for a veggie place but found an old little town instead.  It was really cool.  There was a really old pub that was 300 years old and a beautiful old church.  The church bells rang during dinner.  The beer was pumped from down in the cellar and the beer was yummy.  The beer isn't def as cold as USA but it's still good.  It's cellar temperature.  The homes were so small and the doors were tiny.   I got a picture of Tony in the door entry.  Pretty funny.

So far so good...  I'm having fun and it's been a learning experience.  The time change wasn't too bad.  Sunday I crashed from 5pm-8pm and then ate dinner then slept all night.  Yesterday I survived all day and was able to go to sleep at 11pm and again slept all night.  So, I think I'm finally adjusted.

Friday we got some bad news on the IF front.  We have an appt when I get back with the doctor.  The details don't sound good.  Please keep us in your thoughts the next couple of weeks.

TSA Body Scanners - How I HATE thee

So anyone that hasn't traveled by air in the past 4 months may not know but the US Gov't has added a new scanning device (link if you want to read or see what they look like) to security.  (Thank you Stimulus money, each machine is $150k EACH).  The scanning device is suppose  to make you feel more secure, etc.   Let me count the ways of how I loath these machines.

1. you have to get more naked than before... make sure you take EVERYTHING out of your pockets, shoes off, belts off(I never had to do this because I made sure mine was plastic, doesn't matter anymore), watches off, etc....   Basically anything metal (basically your bra, if you wear under-wire)
2. You have to stand like an idiot in the machine...  see picture - hands above the head (armpits out), legs apart.... let's do jumping jacks...  Oh and if your hands aren't high enough or far enough apart they will ask you to raise them, push your elbows back and stick out your boobs.  They will continue to fight with you.... poor old people.
3. So after standing there like an idiot, you now walk outside the tube to a waiting line and have to wait up to 2-4 minutes depending if there is a person in front of you and how fast the person looking at the scans takes.  
4. If the scanner reveals some issues then you get the good ole fashion "pat-down"  So women, if wearing a under-wire bra, they are going to feel under your boobs and if you forgot to take off your watch, they'll catch this too.  The scanners also have problems with jeans that have a lot of buttons.
1. So this is what pisses me off... women wear under-wire bras.... why do you have to feel under my breast?  the scanner can clearly point out 2 fine lines of metal under my breast, what else do you need to know?  I know that a gun is not the size of a fine line (if you so, I might want to get one)...  the normal airport metal detectors have never had a problem with them.
5. Last but not least.... if the line for the fancy scanner is backed up then you can go through the regular old metal detectors....  so if you are smart, you'll find a line that is long or you'll take your time so that you don't have to go though the stupid thing.

Do I feel safer?  No not really because of #5.  They are more time consuming and more of a pain in the butt!  USA is the only place that is using them, so if you are flying in from another country you are shit of luck.  I feel this was a HUGE waste of money and thanks to Obama and his stupid stimulus money, they aren't going anywhere.   TSA is a OVER rated, OVER paid, and OVER authorized as a gov't agency.  

Monday.... time to make the bread.

What a nice weekend!!!  Beautiful day on Friday and Saturday, the rain yesterday wasn't bad either.  


Trying to get everything for my London trip.  I needed a new waterproof rain coat.  I went to Eddie Bauer on Thursday night when I landed and grabbed one off the clearance rack for $50.  I was super excited.   I was also on the hunt for some new waterproof shoes for London.  I went everywhere on Saturday and couldn't find anything I wanted.  So I came home that night and researched via Amazon and Zappos.  I found a pair of Keen and a pair of Merrell that I liked.... so then I researched some places around us that would have them.  We went on Sunday and I bought a pair of Merrells.  I have a pair of Merrells clogs that I LOVE so I figured I couldn't go wrong. I got theses -  Merrell Shoes.      So I think I'm all set.   


Saturday afternoon I spent sometime booking our hotels...  I have been looking at them for weeks but I couldn't figure out where we wanted to stay.  I had already booked my hotel for the client but I needed to find rooms for when Carl came over.  So I started looking at all my points and then all the places that I could stay with them.   I wasn't able to use my points for airfare because I wanted a non-stop for Carl to come to Heathrow and British Airways is the only one from BWI.  I didn't have enough American Airlines for that flight (I could use AA points towards British Airways since they use the same point group) but I did have enough points for hotels.  I'm super excited that we don't have a pay a dime for hotels, we are using solely my points.  We are staying at a Holiday Inn for the first night that Carl comes in since it's close to our train station.  We are then staying at Le Méridien Montparnasse in Paris and then JW Marriott Grosvenor Square in London.  I can't wait!!!!  


Welp this cycle is a bust.  I didn't respond to the medicine at all!!!  So I'm flying back out to my client tonight to finish the week out.  I'll get more information at 2pm for bloodwork but basically it's a bust!!  No biggie.  I can drink lots of champagne in Paris now :)  Plus with how this cycle is going, I think I can wait for another week or 2 for my period, which will be great timing for when I get home from Europe!  

immunity?

UGH so this topic has really been bugging me lately.... I guess mostly because I feel it hurts people more than not.  The flu shot was in the paper yesterday.  They are MAKING people get the shot now.  I think this is crap since it's not full proof and no one really knows the effects of the shot.  I'm lucky that I'm allergic to eggs, so I don't have to get it.  It just pisses me off that if/when I have children that they will be forced to get this shot.  What's going to happen to the children when they grow up?  They have to get SOOO many shots now that they never build true immunity to things.

Chicken pox is another topic.  So part of IF initial bloodwork they find out your immunities.  Well I don't have immunity to chicken pox even though I had them as a child.  They wanted me to get the shot or sign a waver.  If you know me, you know that I signed the waver.  If I had the actual virus and I'm still in-immune, why is a shot going to help me?  My risk isn't as high anymore anyway since kids don't actually get chicken pox anymore.  They get a shot.  They also might have to get another shot as an adult to prevent adult pox (can't remember the true name for them)....  I understand getting a shot as an adult but if they really had gotten the actual chicken pox as a child they would have most likely preventing getting them as adults (yes, I know you can still get them again)....   again we are very dependent on shots and more shots.  What about actually immunity?

Don't get me started on the whole autism/vaccine debate....  until they know what causes autism, I will delay vaccine schedule.  Giving a child 4 shots at one appt is just insane!!  Giving a baby a shot when it's first born is nuts too!!

another week...

What a wonderful weekend!!!  We had a lot of fun!!!  I came home early on Wednesday for testing on Thursday morning (good u/s), so I worked from home on Thursday.   Friday I got to run around and checkup on a couple of things.  I took a trip to my favorite store (Christmas Tree Shoppe).  Well they didn't have much but there is a Ross in the same shopping center.  I scored a Nine West black tank for $10 (clearance rack), 2 black sweaters, and a black long sleeve top for fall... good stuff.  I also picked up my huge bunch of books from the library.  They get all the new travel books so I figured I would check them out and see which ones I like.  I LOVE the Rick Steves books.  They are so good and full of information.  I basically have a plan for our trip now.  I need to book rail tickets, museum passes and hotels.  I just need to decide where we want to stay in the cities.  Fun times!! 

Saturday, Carl took me to the sunflowers.  They are sooo pretty!!!  I want to go back.  

On Saturday we also bought Carl a new car.  We weren't expecting to a buy a car that day but the price and interest rate were what we were looking for, so it became a deal.  The subaru has a lot of miles on it and I was afraid that it won't survive all the miles Carl drives.  I'm going to drive it back and forth to the airport.

Oh and we got iphones this weekend.  I had been wanting them but scared that I wouldn't like them....  well I LOVE it.  It makes life so much easier.  They really have improved things from the 3G days.  

Happy 3 years to hubby

Well we got married 3 years ago today on the hottest day of the YEAR!  Man it was hot and the bees were horrible but I didn't even know about the bees until after the fact otherwise I would have asked for my money back... it was too late after I found out about it.   We have a crazy couple of years but it's been great!  I love him more and more!!

We lost a lot of our friends after we got married.  It was kind of crazy and a sad time.  Neither of us understand why (would love to know what I/we did but was never told) but it happened and we moved on together.   It's part of life.  They were a part of our wedding but aren't part of our life anymore.  We might see them occasionally but we don't hang out anymore or even talk.   I guess you have memories to hold onto and take them with you!  I def know my job doesn't help us out much with friends but it's not hard to make plans.  I still see friends and we just plan.  It's really not too hard!

Welp I got told 2 weeks ago that I was going on London to give some training.  I'm super excited.  I have been wanting to go to Europe FOREVER!!!  I'm SUPER excited for this.  We are working at a client that is located in Kent for 2 weeks and then Carl's going to fly over and we are going to explore Europe.  I think we are going to do London for 2-3 days and then Paris for 2-3 days and then we aren't sure where else.  I know I will travel on the weekends before Carl comes over.  I'm trying to plot out spots.  I have friends from college living in London right now and a friend that live in Germany and Paris, so I might meet up with each when we explore.

Went Monday for u/s-b/w.  I actually ovulated this month.  My body is kind of crazy.  So we are waiting one more week and then I can either POAS or get a blood test otherwise my period will come and we see if we can fit in a IUI before we leave for UK.  It's all about timing.  So we are waiting til Sunday to see what comes back!

Well I have started trying to become a "Pro" photographer.  I have been talking lots of baby pictures.  It's been a lot of fun learning.  I bought PS8 and Lightroom in the past couple of months.   I LOVE lightroom and I don't know how I functioned before.  I have also been learning about lighting, props, settings, etc.  It's def been a learning experience.  I don't charge for the shoots or pictures, as I'm a beginner and don't think it's fair to charge.